I had mistakenly believed when I moved to Italy that the previous four trips I had taken here had prepared me for all possible cultural misunderstandings and missed cues. I was woefully wrong. I have a feeling that the learning will continue until I am a feeble old woman chasing my own grandchildren out of my kitchen with a wooden spoon, at which point I just won’t care anymore.
Some things I have learned have been positive, others negative and virtually all have been amusing…sometimes more for the people informing me than for myself. In no particular order, I have learned that:
- Soccer is a religion.
- Your weight is open for discussion.
- I am too skinny.
- Putting the “wrong” sauce on a pasta is a crime.
- Ironing socks is not strange.
- Americans can’t make coffee.
- Salt is not optional, ever.
- Pork CAN be consumed at every meal. Yum.
- Wine is a food group…this one was just reinforcement.
- Eggs are for dinner, not breakfast.
- Your entire life is your neighbors’ business.
- Dinner before 9:00 is uncivilized.
- All telecommunications companies are thieves.
- Good customer service comes from non-contract employees.
- Businesses closing for a month is perfectly normal.
- Two weeks of vacation is NOT normal, it’s criminal.
- Going out without a scarf and gloves if it is below 70 means you will get sick.
- Going out with wet hair means you will surely soon die.
- Ugly shoes are illegal.
- Jeans that are not skin tight should be thrown out.
- Belts are mandatory.
- You can walk cobblestone streets in 4 inch heels…it just takes practice.
- Leaving the house not put together will get you strange looks.
- It is unhygienic to walk in your own house barefoot..even if you washed the floors 15 minutes before.
- Tanning is healthy.
- Paying 10€ for a spot on the beach is normal.
- 80 year olds in bikinis and speedos are normal.
- Superstition is alive and well.
- A guy touching his balls is not sexual…he is warding off bad luck.
- Italian cussing is much more colorful than most American cussing.
- Having a clothes dryer is akin to having a bomb shelter.
- Growing your own veggies is normal.
- Eating offal doesn’t raise an eyebrow, eating a rare steak is the only way, but eating a rare hamburger will kill you
- You are still a boy or girl until you are about 40, chances are you still live at home, too.
- Not having a dark tan in September means that something is terribly wrong in your life.
- Driving rules, lines on the roads and most stop lights are merely suggestions.
- Parking on sidewalks and at freaky angles doesn’t get a second look.
- A woman who can parallel park in the “back in, then pull forward” method is a rare anomaly.
- Having a cell phone tucked into your helmet, smoking a cigarette, balancing a Louis Vuitton bag…all while riding a Vespa in 3 inch heels is NOT an anomaly.
- I will never be as stylish as most Italian girls are by the time they are nine years old.
I love Italy.
Expressiveepicurean's Blog 